Final Blog Post on Mary’s Secretary Website


My very first post on here was Our Lady’s Seven Sorrows feast day on September 15th, 2016, and I was torn on whether or not my last post should be on Our Lady’s final appearance at Fatima with Her miracle of the sun or on another Mother I tenderly love: Our Holy Carmelite Mother Teresa of Jesus this October 15th, 2022. However, because I started this blog with Mary, it must end with Her (something tells me the beloved Teresa completely understands). Thus, October 13th, 2022, it is! This post is going to be a mixture of things, so stay with me. Since it is my last one it might seem a bit random, but there is so much I want to cover. I am doing a small recap of some of my favorite memories, posts, videos, music, podcasts and adding a few new messages of love and farewell to you, my dearest readers! So, to make it somewhat organized, I organized the layout of this last post to resemble the Latin Mass. Shall we begin?


Favorite memories from the Last (Almost) Three Years:

1.) When I left Carmel, I lived with my saintly grandparents for nearly two years. It was under their care I heard the hermit call and they drove me three hours one way and three hours back to the Latin Mass every Sunday! Being able to live with Pop and Gram for some time and witnessing the blessing of their 50 years of marriage in the Latin Rite by Father Maximilian Mary on the feast of Our Lady Queen of the Apostles is something I will never forget (a beautiful surrender, a bittersweet farewell).

Paradise, California

2.) After leaving my grandparents, having spent the rest of my wait with my mom and spending the time we did not have before Carmel. My Mom has such a BEAUTIFUL and generous heart, and I am thankful Our Lady granted me this time with you. Thank you, Mom and Elijah, for providing a roof over my head, driving me to Latin Mass and being nothing but loving and supportive!

Santa Cruz, California:

Post about my Mom.

3.) Seeing two eagles (husband and wife- one bald eagle) perch near my mom’s home for nearly two months this past 2022:

4.) Mufasa and QT (sounds like “Cutie”- I named her in 6th grade, so do not expect anything less when a ten-year-old is naming the pet… it used to be “cutie girl”; even better, right?). I do not mean this next part in a creepy, modern or new agey kind of way, but Our Lord has always known I like animals, but not just any animal, CATS. That’s right. It is not the popular thing to say, but who am I kidding, I never liked what is popular (clearly) and while I like dogs, too and all animals (besides snakes and spiders) I can confidently say cats are better than dogs. This might sound silly but the things that gave me most delight in my waiting has simply been resting and preparing in the presence of my family members who provided a roof over my head, having a cat nearby and reading some Jane Austen to help heal the soul. God takes delight in the simple things, and I saw Him work through the simple. These two cats, who both died this year (QT with my mom) and last year (Mufasa with Pop and Gram), only a day a part, were a great source of comfort and healing for me, and as I will not have any animals in a cell or hermitage, these memories are sweet ones. Cat is even in the word CATholic. It is NOT DOGholic, so I am just assuming Our Lord prefers cats by that mere piece of evidence alone…

Thank you, Susan for always supplying me with the best cat memes.


Favorite Blog Posts to write:

I cannot pinpoint why this is my all-time favorite post, but it is.

Recreational Posts:

If you read any recreational post, may it be this one:

My former director laughed and laughed at this below story!

More Posts:

Hearing the hermit call:

Our Lady’s book:

Favorite Discernment Posts to Write:

Favorite Videos to Create:

My first time officially coming out on my blog about Pope Benedict XVI!

Favorite Podcasts to Create:

Our Lady has used Jane Austen to help me act like a disciplined and virtuous lady, and Our Lord has used Austen’s work to heal me. IMMENSELY grateful!


Valuable Lessons:

My Grandfather was reminding me of Our Lord’s “three-year mark” with having had the disciples under His wing for His public ministry those three and a half years, and of course Saint Paul being formed for three years in Arabia in seclusion before coming out and preaching to the gentiles. Those three years for them were years not spent in vain or wasted; nay! They were three years of solid preparation. The Peter before the crucifixion is way different than the Peter at Pentecost. You can see this transformation in how he speaks in the book of Acts verses the Gospels. If we reflect, before the crucifixion, Peter was not yet prepared for his Office as pope. At Pentecost, it was time for him. He could not have simply entered into the Office without preparation under the guidance of the Second Person of the Blessed Trinity, first (the original Pontifex Pontificum). Peter was always very eager, the first to volunteer to trust in Our Lord before the other apostles (even if it ended with him sinking in the water after attempting to walk on it) which is a good thing, but perhaps he was too eager.

Our Lord saw these potential qualities, however, in the beloved Peter and thus, knew he needed more time to polish that faith, as Peter even states later is “more precious than gold”. He had to be purified of disordered passions; on the Mount of the Transfiguration Peter was more drawn to Our Lord’s glory rather than the value of suffering. The crucifixion was still incomprehensible for him. As Matins tells us for that feast, Our Lord demands us to ask for endurance rather than for glory. I, like Peter, have failed in my faith, misunderstood the Lamb, denied Our Lord and eventually found myself asking the same question Peter asked of God: Domine Quo Vadis (Lord, whither goest Thou?). I left Carmel on November 9th, 2019, THREE YEARS AGO this November, and I had no clue what was in store for me and before I knew anything about the importance of the three-year mark. But I am marveling at the value of this number; it truly is the work of the Blessed Trinity, because after all, is it not THEIR number? Each member has had Their way with me, and even if it was sheer pain at times, I would not trade this transformation of the soul for all the greatest treasures this world had to offer. This transformation is like the pearl from the parable; I found it and thus have sold all my goods to purchase it!

“I’m starting again
Tearing my flesh
Stripped to the bone
The all that I’ve grown

Leaving behind
Breathe like a child
It’s taken the winter
To find who I am.”

I have tried my best to live like a hermit with only being exposed to the public for Mass and confession, but because I had not been an approved hermit, in a habit or bound to vows it was Our Lady’s will that I write. Believe it or not, but writing was part of the preparation. Writing has opened my mind. It was necessary to expand my mind; to cultivate it! This is something that never would have developed without these years of writing. It has drawn me closer to Our Great God; it has purified, developed and matured my mind in ways I cannot express on this blog. But this past week something happened that made me realize the blog and the two written books has served its purpose for me, but I want to leave this site up for you! As a source of helpful tools. It will be inactive; there will be no more new posts but if some precious soul happens to find it and gain some small speck of something from this site, praise God!

When I reflect on the blessings and curses of technology, I still believe Our Lord has the upper hand with the blessing side of it. Back in Catherine of Siena’s time, can you imagine how long news and messages took to spread? She wrote letter after letter to the pope to return to Rome. But imagine how long it took the news to get back to her of him finally returning! Trust me, Our Lord has a plan to use Satan’s “tools” against him, because think about the bodies of Elijah and Henoch being on the streets and their resurrection going viral? In AN INSTANT the whole world would see this phenomenon. Many will convert and Satan will not be able to stop it. Then, in the presence of their friends and enemies, these Two Witnesses will ascend into heaven.

If we did not have technology, only those close by would know about this miracle, it would be up to them to spread it and perhaps many would not believe anyways because they did not see it. Truth used to take years to spread throughout the world; technology has allowed us to spread it in the matter of seconds. So, in the midst of the evils of pornography, I cannot help but thank God that I am alive today, where, Our Lord was able to get even more creative than He already is by speaking to my own heart through productions such as The Prince of Egypt, The Passion of the Christ and recorded songs that He never could have used to “whoo” even our beloved Saint Therese, because she did not have these (good) advancements. I am ready to leave all this technological “stuff” behind, but I am not blind to the blessings God has bestowed on me, through it.

Courage is like the domino effect:

One last valuable lesson I found, during my almost three years, is this: courage! I used to be terrified of speaking up for Our Lord and Our Lady if I knew it would jeopardize my ego, my status of gaining approval or if I would lose friends over it. But I see now that courage is linked to sanctity and if we want to attend the marriage supper of the Lamb, we must exorcise this muscle of courage in adversity by remembering our true friends are the angels and saints in heaven. It does not matter one jot what people think, say or do to us, because when we are on the side of Truth we are on the side of Christ and if we speak the FULL truth, God will provide. With Joan of Arc, let these words resound thus:


What to expect in these upcoming years of battle:

Like America’s Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches (our hierarchy system), many of its own citizens are uneducated about the branches, how they work and the laws we abide by from our United States Constitution. It is the same UN-education, if that is even a word, that is seen from the members of the Catholic Church. They do not know how the Office of Peter works, nor the “branches” of bishop and cardinals, nor do they know their Canon Law. If they did, the members would be looking at the current crisis of the papacy of “two popes” as a fiction along with “pope emeritus”, because if they knew “papal history”, they would know that this is impossible, never has been done and CANNOT be done. Have we ever had a “president emeritus” in America? Where they stay in the White House until they die? Nope. When Dr. Edmund Mazza said in regard to his papal history class of, “what you don’t know might hurt you” sums it up in a nutshell. I have found myself astonished at how similar our Catholic Church “layout” almost exactly mirrors the “layout” of the United States of America. Do I think this is coincidence in any way shape or form? Not in the slightest. Remember when my former Carmelite Exorcist Chaplain flew to Rome for an Exorcist conference, and he revealed the “Devil’s master plan?”

1.) Destroy Christianity in the Middle East

2.) Destroy the Catholic Church

3.) Take down the United States of America

He confided to the nuns how he saw the last point “rather fascinating”, but he went on to say that Satan is incredibly threatened by our democracy. But I think it is so much more than that; if indeed Father Bernard Leonard Kramer is right about “The Land of the Eagle” sheltering the Church during the 1,260 days (the very days that Elijah and Henoch will combat the anti-christ), well then it would appear Satan’s REAL reason for hating this country, and his agenda of getting its own citizens to burn the American Flag, is because his hatred stems from the fact that, whether he likes it or not, America is the chosen vessel of Our Lady’s to “shelter and protect” the “woman” from the dragon, the beast and false prophet for three and a half years. If the Land of the Eagle is indeed America, then this nation would serve as the Church’s temporary headquarters until the Church’s permanent headquarters becomes Jerusalem. Kramer said “The Great Eagle” would be independent ENOUGH to resist the anti- christ and would not join him in his conquest of the world.

We know Our Lady at Fatima said that in Portugal the Dogmas would always be preserved, and Kramer also says that heaven’s reward to The Land of the Great Eagle for sheltering the Church for those 1,260, would be the grace of conversion to Catholicism. So, if you are wondering why on earth, even though we have a fake puppet president in office desperately trying to bring down this great nation, why I DO NOT and NEVER WILL hate this great country of mine, is simply because I believe in Our Lord’s promise of the conversion that is going to come for EVERY NATION (that is not wiped out from the chastisement) when Russia is consecrated to Mary’s Immaculate Heart. And if America will receive the reward of conversion for sheltering Holy Mother Church, is it too bold to believe the United States will thus still be one of those remaining nations? The New World Order wants you to hate your country, if you fall for this, Satan is only tempting one more soul to join the side of the dragon (China). God does have a plan for the “great reset” but unfortunately for Satan, it is not the kind he has in mind. blog said this on the 11th of October, 2022:

Dear True Resistance, the formal schism is coming where the conciliar church (now morphing from a heretical to an apostate church) will be cut out of the Catholic Church like a cancer.  Know that the current head of the conciliar church is not Benedict XVI; it is Jorge Bergoglio.  For those of the True Resistance who accept Jorge Bergoglio as pope, know that you inadvertently accept the head of the conciliar church as being the head of the Catholic Church.  In reality, we are no longer in a situation with one pope and two churches; rather, we are now in the situation of two popes and two churches.  The successor of Benedict XVI will lead the Catholic Church.  You claim that you want nothing to do with the conciliar church.  Here is your opportunity to disassociate yourself from it by rejecting its current head.  What will you decide?

Father Paul Kramer:

Offertory and Secret:

The trees are now turning from green to gold.

The Wedding between Christ and His Bride (the Church) Took Place in the Womb of Mary!

19th Sunday after Pentecost, Matins 3rd Nocturn:

Homily by Pope St. Gregory the Great.
38th on the Gospels:

God the Father made a marriage for God the Son, when He wedded Him to the manhood in the womb of the Virgin, when He willed that He Who is God before all ages, should in the end of the ages become Man. The marriage union is the union of two persons, but God forbid that we should imagine that the One Person of our Redeemer Jesus Christ, Who is both God and Man, is formed by a union of a human person with a Divine Person. We profess concerning Him that He is of, and in two natures, but we shrink from the blasphemy of saying that He is compounded of two persons. It will therefore be clearer and safer to say that the marriage which the Father made for His Royal Son was wedding Him, through the mystery of the Incarnation, to His mystic Bride the Holy Church. The womb of the Maiden Mother was the marriage chamber in which this union took place. Hence it is that the Psalmist saith: In the sun hath He set His tabernacle, Who is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber. xviii. 6.2

Don’t forget the Passion of the Church likened to the butterfly!


Our Etsy shop will remain open (for now). I am still not sure yet what is going to happen with it closing down or remaining open, but if you would like updates, you can always favor our shop if you have an Etsy account for updates. How do I thank you enough, my dear readers? You will be tucked most especially near my heart in these days ahead as I take you with me to prayer. Remember, keep your eyes focused on Mary, Her Heart and the Blessed Trinity. May we become saints and red martyrs for the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the Lamb of God; THIS IS THE AGE OF MARY! Remember to remain cheerful, and as Samwise the brave said, “even darkness must pass and when the light shines, it will shine the clearer.” And that Light is Christ.

“So long…. farewell….”

Post Communion:

Favorite Music of Our Lord’s Choosing to Leave you with:

Piano and violin are my absolute favorite instruments and I want to leave you with happy tunes, some melancholic as well, but these very songs were precious to me, and I want to share them with you. When people ask what draws them closest to God in terms of hobbies etc., while I have always enjoyed singing and later writing, I would have to say nothing (I guess besides the Cross and Our Lady if I had to give a super holy answer) draws me closer to the Sacred Heart than listening to a song that seems to have been written or composed by “His truly” (Our Lord). I am equally fond of extremely happy songs or extremely melancholic songs (that’s what happens when you have “the Sorrowful Heart” for a title, right? But Our Lady was also the Mother of Seven Joys, as well was She not?)

Favorite Jane Austen Songs:

The Last Dance

Ship’s Cook

Emma and Mr. Knightley

Persuasion Theme Song

Favorite Lord of the Rings Songs:

House of Healing

Heart of a Hero

Favorite Vancouver Sleep Clinic and M83 Songs:

I sunk in all the memories

Middle of Nowhere



Into the Black

Into the Sun

I could Fly

Combination of M83 and Vancouver Sleep Clinic


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